In the latest edition of My Locker Room Secrets, KickOff catches up with former Dynamos star Thamsanqa Tibe, whose Jacob Sakala stories will leave you in stitches.
In this interview, "Gusheshe", as Tibe is known in the local game, leaves no stone unturned.
Who was always late?
"Gerald Modabi and Vusimuzi Dlamini were always late. Those two were a problem.
"We would play a match in Jozi on a Saturday, and when the whole team traveled back to Limpopo, they stayed behind and promised to come back on a Monday, only to come back the following Thursday [laughs]. Those two were naughty.
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"The club owner, Pat Malabela, couldn't find peace with these two, and our coach Jacob Sakala would lose his mind, saying, 'Hawu phela madoda, labantu ababuyanga le eGoli, manje kuzodlala bani uma bengekho?' [Laughs]
Any interesting rituals before they played?
"[Laughs] I remember me and Vusi Dlamini, at one stage we suspected that our teammates were bewitching us because both of us were no longer scoring goals.
"We were staying in Seshego. So, one day we decided to go to town in Polokwane to look for pork fats in a traditional chemist.
"In one of the chemists, we found one gentleman and we told him we were looking for amafutha engulube to smear on our bodies, like sort of a lotion [laughs].
"But that gentleman said to us, 'No, we don't have those, but we have crocodile fats and they work just perfectly' [laughs]. So, each time during a warm-up, we would smear some of the fats or oil on our soccer boots. We would do that even in training sessions. We were roommates.
"I remember scoring two goals against Witbank Spurs after coming on as a substitute. My friend Vusi was so excited he kept on saying, 'Hey man, ayasebenza lamafutha' [laughs], and indeed they did help me score."
Who was the jokester?
"I think that could be me because I used to talk from Polokwane to Joburg. And also, Godfrey Nobula used to keep us in stitches."
Was it a muti change room?
"At Dynamos, we used to believe in prayer, we started using muti after they employed Bra Spear Makhubu. That's the guy who introduced muti at the club ekubeni asithole sizisontela thina [laughs]."
Who was the singer?
"Mostly, it was these young boys from the development. I was not a fan of singing."
Who was the best-dressed and the worst-dressed?
"Sandile Ndlovu was the best-dressed, he would rock up in some beautiful Puma tekkies. And also Thabo [Tshegofatso] Mashego.
"Worst-dressed was Godfrey Nobula [laughs]. Hey, uNobula beka gqoka amanga straight. He would wear formal shoes with track pants [laughs]."
Who never showered?
"Still it's Godfrey Nobula [laughs]. Hey, that man, he was like a teabag in the shower, he went in and out very quick. He never spent a minute in the shower. Hey, uzongithuka lo muntu [laughs]."
Rate the coach's team talk
"Jacob Sakala is my number one, his team talks were always about motivation. 'Mphathi' would sometimes put 12 players in the starting line-up. He would do that on purpose, and he did that if he was afraid to leave somebody out, and he would make sure that person is number 12 on his list. And sometimes it would be me!
"He would start counting pretending as if he is not aware: '1, 2, 3... 11, 12, 13. Hawu, bukelani ke manje seniyi 12 and the 12th one is Gusheshe. Yho, madoda! This means my top star Gusheshe is on the bench?
"So, Sakala was top when it came to team talks. He'd say to us, 'Eish, hey, madoda angeke nginifake nonke phela, kumele ngiqale ku FIFA ngiyokhuluma ne FIFA ukuthi ingivumele ngifake 15 players [laughs], le Eleven players incane kakhulu.
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"He once told us a story of a certain old man who was sitting on top of a tree watching a football game. Apparently, Jacob Sakala was playing for a team from the mines, and he performed well that day.
"So, after the final whistle, that old man came down from the tree to greet Jacob Sakala and he said to him, 'Hey young man, you see today you saved my life. You saw me sitting in that tree? I was about to hang myself on that tree, but the football you played today made me change my mind about killing myself.'